This week it was announced that we in the UK have officially re-entered recession, or something like that. To be honest I wasn't really listening.
If that is true then it's fantastic news.
No, really! Fantastic!
Does it change the fact that I get up and brush my teeth on a morning? No.
Does it change the fact that I still have to put petrol in my car to make it work? No.
Does it stop the sun from rising and setting? No.
So why does it matter? It seems to matter to the media, who have blanket coverage at the moment, with reports full of doom and gloom. It seems to matter to your friends when they talk about how much the cost of living has gone up, and it seems to matter to politicians, with much bickering about who's fault it is.
Does it matter to me? Does it f**k.
To tell the truth, I don't really see much evidence of it mattering to anybody really.
The reporters who tell the tales of woe get plenty of money to do their job, and when did you last hear of a reporter starving to death?
The politicians rant and rave and point the finger in the commons about blame, and then disappear off to the Ivy, or Claridges, or the Carlton, or the Reform, and pour the brandy and smoke their cigars with the very people they have just spent the day ranting about. It's all a show, a tradition, it's pantomime.
As I walk around the town where I live I still see plenty of brand new cars, plenty of conservatories being added, plenty of people taking out ISAs, booking foreign holidays, adding extensions. Many people still talk of retirement, and have good pensions and benefits, leaving with lump sums and a good 'package.' Living rooms are full of wide-screen TV's, games consoles, music systems, computers and new sofas. Look around your own living room.
So where is the recession biting? At the petrol pumps? Yes it costs a lot to fill up your car, but If I go to the local petrol station and spend an hour watching the different vehicles, you will see immaculate 4X4's used for the school run, big people carriers, Jaguar, Lexus, Porsche, Mercedes, cars with way more performance than anyone will ever need, often with only one person inside. Few of them are small or economical. Do they drive slowly and economically? No, they rush everywhere, with the throttle as an on-off switch. Is that their only car? No, many have two or three, and maybe a motorbike for good measure. So it can't be too bad at the pumps, maybe it's just something good to moan about?
It is biting at the supermarket? I don't see too many people eating a diet of rice and beans? Trolleys are loaded up with expensive food covered with lots of packaging, as people emulate the latest food fad that they've seen on TV, because everyone's a 'foodie' now aren't they! They all 'scource' ingredients and pretend they're Nigel bloody Slater.
Is it biting in the healthcare system? Or in the emergency services? I don't think so. If I have a fire, the fire engine that comes to my house will likely be less than 5 years old, and full of new equipment. The ambulance arrives and both of it's Paramedics are on starting salaries of over 30k.
If I call to see my GP it's likely that he will see an annual salary of possibly two to three times the Paramedic.
Do you think he will be putting in shifts at Aldi when he retires? I doubt it.
You can shoot me down and tell me otherwise, and I'll probably believe you, but from what I see day to day, I can't see the recession anywhere.
The roads have always been bad, the transport network has always been poor, it doesn't take a recession to make much difference there.
I'm not seeing soup kitchens, or lines of starving people, Greggs do a roaring trade in high-calorie salty junk, and we have an obesity epidemic.
People have never been as safe, as lardy, or as materially well off as they are now.
Are you really struggling? Really?
Don't let the media tell you there is a recession. They're in the sway of the political parties, and the politicians want votes. What better way to look good than to engineer a supposedly bad situation and then bullshit your way out of it!
There is still plenty of money about, and plenty of people spending it. They're everywhere. In every village, town, and city.
Here are some indicators of people who aren't bothered by the recession.
You went abroad on holiday last year.
You're planning to go abroad again this year.
You added a conservatory.
You have lunch delivered to your work.
You have a new car.
You go out more than once a week.
You go out at all.
You have a TV subscription.
You have more than a few Apple products.
You have savings.
People who are really struggling don't do any of the above, so stop saying you are.
The recession doesn't exist. You're still wanting to live to a ripe old age aren't you? well do it. Wake up, have a shower, pull on your clothes, and get out there and live.
Before you know it you'll be boring everybody to death by crowing about the value of your house, maxing your credit cards again and adding an 'orangery.'
It's a funny old world isn't it!