Is it right?
Sometimes it takes other people to tell you what you already know.
In your heart of hearts you know the answers to many things, it's called intuition, and generally we tend to ignore it, but it's there for a reason.
For many years I told myself that I was interested in technical things. When I left school I did technical training, and I went into a technical job. I made and fixed things with my hands, and I learned about the inner workings of many machines, but something seemed just not quite right. After becoming tired with working on machines, I stepped up my Fire Service work which to that point had been just an interesting sideline. I threw myself into the job one hundred percent and tried my best to be a leader, I still do, but still it seems not quite right.
A revelation in Bournemouth...
Deciding on a career change I decided to do something about my childhood love of all things aviation and I trained to be a pilot. Some time later I found myself in a hotel in Bournemouth, where I stayed while studying for the 14 examinations for the commercial pilot's licence. As I sat one sunny afternoon in the residents lounge, poring over some technical manuals, I happened to overhear a group of painters in the function room who were recieving a talk from a guest artist who was busy giving them all tips on technique. I listened to them talk about light and shade, reflections, composition, colours and various techniques, and it hit me like a brick. I wanted to be in there with them. What was I doing here with this technical manual in my hand?
Now I'm not saying I want to be a painter, but I understood that I had an urge to create that I couldn't ignore. Not only that but there was something else that was gnawing away at me. I wasn't the person I and everybody else thought I was.
Flying for thrills
When many people learn to fly they look at it as an intellectual challenge, very much a left brained pursuit of order, rules, lists, and procedure. I see something totally different in it. I'm enjoying the feelings of the air over the wings, the sounds, sensations, smells, and exhilaration, the clouds, sunsets, and the beautiful countryside.
It was the same with the machines, I loved the feel of quality tools, the feel of a well oiled machine part, the layout of the wires and switches, ergonomics and the sounds of the engines.
I can change a gearbox, take out an axle, rebuild an engine. I can tell you how an aircraft hydraulic system works, how to calculate track convergency across north atlantic oceanic airspace on a mercator chart. But do I love it? Does it really thrill me? Do I want to do it for the rest of my career? No.
If you see me with my Firefighting gear on, I can take a drill, shout at the top of my voice, get a crew to accomplish a task, and rescue people from all kinds of hell. But I know it's not me. I do it, but it's not me. It doesn't feel quite right.
Now many people would say Stewart, you're 38, you have a partner, and a little boy, you have responsibilities. Find another job, do it, and stop bitching.
But I can't. This is my life, my ride through it, my journey, my happiness, and my decisions. When I die I will take the journey back to energy on my own, and ultimately I answer to me. How can I be true to myself if I can't do what makes me whole?
What you read here at Positive Paradise, is the beginning of my creative project. The start of me expressing myself in a wonderfully creative way. I'm learning to walk all over again, and it's not easy, but the seed of something amazing is there. Already I have helped people, I have made them think, made them happy, helped them to change for the better, And I know because they told me, and they thanked me.
Much to look forward to
Positive Paradise is mine. Totally mine (evil cackle) but the strange thing is, it's also totally yours too. I'm doing it for you and me, because we're all totally worth it. Nobody told me to do it, nobody expected me to do it, and I never thought I would do it! I throw my heart and soul into each and every post. Here I'm laid bare for the world to see if they care to. My innermost thoughts, emotions, and cares. The universe brought me to this point, writing these words, on this blog, for a reason. Positive Paradise will be big, make no mistake. I've asked the universe to deliver and to back me in my task, and it's a powerful ally! And I'm not being arrogant about that, I trust my intuition this time, and no longer are the feelings not quite right. This time they feel so right. So who am I to argue!
I'm a beginner at this, but in time I will be a master of it. Here I can help people without having to lead a crew, pick up a tool, or get covered in blood. I can make a difference in the life of someone in a country I can't even locate on a map. I've talked to people I have never met, and I feel a bond with people I would never normally approach.
I will find a way to do the courses I want to do, I will learn, I will teach, and I will contribute. I will heal people's minds, and change their views, I will release their potential, set them free, and help them to find a way forward.
I have had amazing experiences in my past, I've seen and done things that many people only dream of, and I have really enjoyed the journey, but you know what? the real adventure is just beginning. There is an abundant world of limitless possibility out there, fantastic people I've yet to meet, rich experiences and many paths to travel.
I hope you'll come with me.